Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
