I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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