this beer tastes like vomit already
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
