would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This house was built for laser tag.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
