ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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