had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
