Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
