just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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