Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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