A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
