So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
