I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
two words...techno handjob
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
