is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
