Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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