I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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