how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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