Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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