Soap is not a condiment
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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