I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
