You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
