oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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