this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
