You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
