So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
