we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
