Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
