i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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