She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
