Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
nutella sex= disaster
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
