Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
