Nicole vs. Life
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
