I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I came so hard my ears popped.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
