Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
