I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
