hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
