This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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