last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
