I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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