After last night, I could never be a politician.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
