Say something about gay babies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
