today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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