Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
