i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
