she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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