hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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