mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
