I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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