I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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