Duck Duck Cougar?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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