You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
