You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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