i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
