I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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